Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Johnny Depp was promising to sexually violate me in every imaginable way I've never really found the man drop dead. It's only since Jack Sparrow that I've enjoyed his acting...but heck, now that's why I enjoy my sleep! 
Before he got down to it though, I woke 04h14, to the sound of a male lion announcing his presence on the concession. Awesome! Any other reason, I may have been grumpy waking up. 
I'm not a morning person. I don't put the glasses on straight away and I'm blind as a bat. So for the first 10 minutes I stumble about with absolutely no sense of balance, and then with the laughable eye sight, I end up walking into E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. You ask why I wake up grumpy?

But...waking up to the sound of an African Lion announcing to the world why he's just IT, puts me into a good mood for the day. Even if I have to make two trips to the gate to fetch staff. SMILING! Even if one of the dodgy dudes building the lodge next door gives me a dodgy eye. SMILING! Well, he did try get fresh with one of the staff, so I called him a mogoshwa (prostitute) and drove away quickly before I got a reaction. 
I'm off. Going to pop in my ear phones and pretend to do some exercises for the next little while listening to Rihanna complain. Music makes everything better, doesn't it. For those of you who like a little music, go check out my friends blog:

You'd think...

You'd think as field guides or game rangers (or what ever the heck we're called these days) that we'd look where we're driving, right? Wrong? Found 1 x pregnant chameleon squished on the reserve road this afternoon. It just makes me sad. This morning on the way to the shop, we pulled over for one on the tar road. Will picked her up and I suggested we remove her from the village. Unfortunately, a lot of locals do not like them much and will kill them for the sake of killing. And because of the African folk stories about them. We also think it was a female cause she was quite large and really fat. The book says they rarely come to ground and when they do, it is usually so the female can lay her eggs in the ground. I let her walk up and down my arms and hands while we drove just out the village. She was very relaxed. When they get angry, they go really dark, and they puff out their throat. She did neither. We released her just outside the village, as far in as we could go, considering the fence blocking us from the reserve. Aaah, another day in Africa!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

What a week!

I have never, ever missed the traffic from the city. Maybe just to see the 'oh-so-interesting' passengers of the other vehicles. But that's about it. This week the traffic on our reserve was horrendous. Horrendous took shape in that of an elephant bull in musth, and heavy in musth. He made the main road his play ground and spent his day chasing the game viewers back and forth between lodges. Keeping this in mind, yesterday when my fiance called   the elephants loc in on the radio, that being down the road and making his way to our lodge entrance, I decided not to waste time and quickly get the lodge turned down. Well, my timing was obviously crap cause as I was to pull out of the drive way, but who do you think was standing there in all his glory (and I mean all his glory cause that second trunk was hanging out and dripping like a percolator). Damnit!!! He then decided that he may not be able to chase me around being that we had a gate and wall between us. So he promptly pulled off one mother of a branch from a Shepherd's tree and pulled it across my entrance road. Viola! I'm now stuck. And then he buggered off. 

Now folks, imagine it. I have to pull a branch twice my height off the road while keeping the quickest escape route obstacle free AND keep an eye out for the hooligan. My first attempt was feeble - the branch would barely move. Second attempt at a pull and I felt a vein pop in my temple. Third attempt was interrupted by the sound of him snacking on an acacia a little way off and my impromptu dash back to the gate. Eventually pulling it was not an option, rolling it was and about 20 minutes later I could get the cruiser out.

Earlier this week, it was helping one of the guys get his land rover un-stuck. He took on one of our worst roads and saw his ass. We've had endless rain (pretty much like every where else in SA) and our roads are like snot. So it's low range, 2nd gear and then you gun-it through the mud and hope for the best. And if you get stuck and cannot get out, you have to wear the ugliest hat I've ever seen until the next poor schmuck gets stuck. This week about 6 people got stuck. Game drive update on the radio were: (Lion at Acacia plain, Bull elephant main road and Dave is stuck on Kudu drive). 

Oh, and the moths have come out in all their vengeance. Last week it was fighting the plague of worms crawling through your clothes and making cocoons in your shoes. Now it's moths swatting your face at 2 in the morning and perching on your butt when you're on the loo. 

Last night a few of us got some of the 'hard work tension' under control and we played some much needed drinking games. "Kings" is a card game with each card giving you an action. Ace - you have a drink. 2 - you nominate 2 others to drink. 3 - Three man; a little green man hitching a ride on the rim of your cup. You need to take him off before you take a sip and put him back when you're done. He's imaginary, usually, but I think after way too many drinks some of us really do see him. He'd been molested by his previous owner and I saw bruises, so I let him perch between my boobs for a little TLC. He didn't seem to complain too much. We eventually ran out of ice, and hitched a ride on a golf cart to the lodge over the road. We're not supposed to but when it's late, your drink is warm and the booze is talking, you tend to overlook such rules. Half way there I thought I'd get funny and shouted at them that that bastard of an elephant was coming. But they didn't respond like I hoped - I think I was slurring too much.

That's it for now. I've got to get some work done this morning. I'll log this as time in the office!